Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
as a side note pls kill me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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