she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
