We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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