How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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