Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
