Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
