either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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