Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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