she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
