guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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