Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
