there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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