Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
