so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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