he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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