On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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