JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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