If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
