I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
