Kiss
Puke
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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