So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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