The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
