She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
