Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
