Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
