i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
