took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
