the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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