It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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