take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
