Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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