that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
