You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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