On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
