At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
