i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She told me I should be a condom model.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
