I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
