I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
