made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
