im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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