the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
love makes seman taste better
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
