does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We talked him into tasing himself.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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