i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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