His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
