What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
