I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
