Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
