And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
