Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
