I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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