I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
