There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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