I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
