I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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