I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
