I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
