who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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