So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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